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Emotional regulation

Getting back in control when your emotions take over

Crying woman

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If you’re feeling stressed by your emotions, it can be hard to think.

You might feel out of control.

Here are three steps to help you think more clearly and make good decisions.

Take space if you need it

If you’re somewhere loud, bright, or smelly, is there somewhere calmer you could go?

If you think you might do or say something you would regret, step away until you feel calmer.

If you need to step away to calm down in situations like school or work, agree a plan with your teacher or your boss

For example, a codeword or a card you can show, so they know why you’re leaving

Its best if you agree this before you need to use it, so it’s easy to leave in the moment

Feel your feelings

If your feelings are stressing you out, then it’s natural to try to push them away.

Letting yourself feel your feelings can bring a lot of relief though

This means if you’re holding back tears, let yourself cry.

Or if you’re pushing down anger, let yourself feel it.

Try getting your feelings out by scribbling on paper, writing in a journal, or doing exercise.

It can feel scary to feel “bad” emotions like anger, but no emotion is bad

It’s important not to hurt or scare other people but you’re not a bad person for feeling angry.

Some people have trouble knowing what they are feeling.

We have a webpage coming soon with advice on how to tell what you’re feeling.

Ground your senses

Things that feel comforting to your senses can help

For example, you could move around, touch something soft, or listen to music

You could make a sensory box full of things to help when you feel bad (sometimes called a self-soothe box).

Learn more

Our Window of Comfort fact sheet [pdf 1.7mb] can help you avoid getting overwhelmed by your emotions.

This can be extra helpful if you have meltdowns and shutdowns when things get too much.

Soon our website will have a page with information about meltdowns and shutdowns.

Embrace Autism has lots of information about meltdowns and shutdowns. This is not Easy Read.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, it can be hard to think straight and you might feel out of control.

Here are some tips to help you calm down and feel more in control, so you can think more clearly and make good decisions.

(Click on them to learn more)

Frustrated young man.

Take space if you need it

If you’re somewhere loud, bright, or smelly, is there somewhere calmer you could go? If your senses are overwhelmed it can make you feel worse, and make it harder to think straight.

If your emotions are so strong that you don’t feel in control and think you might do or say something you would regret, step away until you feel calmer.

hand holding card reading: "break needed" If you might need to get away to calm down in situations like school or work, agree a system with your teacher or your boss before you need to use it. For example, a codeword or a card you can show, so they know why you’re leaving without you having to explain in front of other people.

Feel your feelings

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your feelings, then it’s natural to try to push them away. Letting yourself experience your emotions can bring a lot of relief though, and help you feel ready to move forward.

Hand scribbling in a sketchbook. This means if you’re holding back tears, let yourself cry. Or if you’re pushing down anger, let yourself feel it.

You could find it helpful to get your feelings out by scribbling on paper, writing in a journal, or doing exercise.

It can feel scary to feel “bad” emotions like anger, but no emotion is bad, and you’re not a bad person for feeling angry. It’s important not to hurt or scare other people, but that’s about what we do, not what we feel.

Not sure what you’re feeling? Check out our webpage on identifying emotions – coming soon.

Ground your senses

Pleasant sensory experiences may help you feel more grounded. This could be ‘stimming’ by moving around, touching something soft, listening to calming sounds or music, or looking at a lava lamp: whatever brings you comfort!

Sensory box containing a rainbow push pop sensory aid, photo, branch with leaves, and piece of paper with writing on it. You could make a sensory box (sometimes called a self-soothe box) full of things to help ground you when you feel bad. Then they’ll be ready when you need them.

Meltdowns and shutdowns

Some people have meltdowns and shutdowns when what they’re feeling gets too much.

In a meltdown you might cry or yell, self-harm, or throw things. You might get very panicked or frustrated.

In a shutdown you might go mute or go unresponsive. You could feel trapped in your body.

You aren’t doing these things deliberately, it is your body trying to protect you when it feels unsafe and overwhelmed. There are things you can do to help make meltdowns and shutdowns less likely to happen, though.

Read our Window of Comfort fact sheet [pdf 1.7mb] to learn how to identify the things that push you towards a meltdown or shutdown, sometimes called overwhelm triggers.

You can find lots more information about meltdowns and shutdowns here: Meltdowns & shutdowns | Embrace Autism